Ya. So I've totally read two of my friend's "Shout It Out" Things. I'd totally make one myself, but...I'm not sure I can -3- I dunno where I'd put everything. SO INSTEAD I'll just post this thing about myself...had to turn it in to a teacher oO Not good. Of course, I didn't have the swear words or offensive material in it when I handed it in. I still might land in therapy, though.
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Describing myself is a task worthy of….me. I’m angry, rude, sarcastic, blunt, cold, bitter, and uncaring. Yeah I’m nice and funny sometimes, but mostly I’m just angry. I think it does back to my childhood. I was part of this three-way friendship thing, and it was usually two vs. one. Whoever didn’t have the friend was picked on mercilessly by the entire street for great excitement and fun times. The parents, save for mine, were all, ahhh, not exactly the brightest people. They didn’t seem to understand you can’t let kids fight like that. So now I have trust issues, and believe all my friends are going to just turn on me and leave. Yay.
Another good word for me: Lazy. I don’t like homework. I just don’t do it. I’ll understand HOW to do it, I just choose not to. It doesn’t help my grades, let me tell you. But I generally push it off until it’s too late to complete it, panic fifteen minutes before class, try desperately to finish it for about five minutes, and then realize I’m not getting anywhere and just stop caring about it.
Listening off a bunch of things I like it rather pointless, seeing as I dislike a lot more than I like. I tend to rant when I start talking about my dislikes. When I type something like this, it usually goes I have two sentences on likes, and a paragraph or two on dislikes. I complain a lot. For instance, I despise teens. We’re the scum of the earth, we are! Honestly. We’re mean to each other, we care FAR too much about trivial things, and we don’t shut up! That’s why I somehow managed to desensitize myself to other’s opinions. What’s that? Someone thinks I’m stupid? Well, I could probably insult them too if I knew them better, but that’s the point. I don’t know them better. And why don’t I know them better? Because they are a failure, and they, and their opinions, mean nothing to me. Now, sometimes I have to take into consideration the opinions of others. But if it’s some pointless drivel on why my left earlobe makes me a terrible person, I really don’t care. And it’s not just teens! People, too! We’re destroying life itself. Seriously. My father always used to say “A person is smart, people are dumb”. If you think about it, that makes sense. I’ve met some people that are absolutely brilliant, and very interesting and exciting to talk to. But as soon as their “hip, coo’ friend” Bobby Imagangster shows up, they turn into babbling retards! At that point I’m just gone. There’s no point in engaging them in conversation any longer; they’re obviously suffering from some horrid brain malfunction that won’t dissipate until Bobby spontaneously combusts, thus departing the immediate area.
I like art. Lately I’ve been studying all that muscle structure stuff, trying to improve my drawing skills. It’s mostly whizzing over my head, but I’m hanging onto some of the knowledge. But I’m scared to go into a career with art. What if it doesn’t take off? I don’t want to be a hobo. So, I’m going to just end up doing some stupid job I dread going to everyday so that I can live my life with enough money. Maybe then I’ll go into art. If it doesn’t work, I got a multibillionaire company as my fallback.
I detest when people spazz out over actors. They squeal over Johnny Depp, not seeming to realize they like Jack Sparrow or Sweeny Todd. They don’t like the actor, they like the character he portrays. No one seems to get that. It’s infuriating.
Pushing, pushing, pushing. That seems to be what everyone does now. In the halls to get to their next class. Pushing people to do things they don’t wanna do. Pushing just seems to be the thing to do nowadays. It’s something I do, too. Though in a slightly different manner. I push people to get to my next class. I push people to do what they don’t wanna do (yea I’m going to hell, I know it). But most importantly, I push people away. It’s natural instinct. I find someone I like, then all of a sudden BAM. Push ‘em away. Distance myself from ‘em. But I know that I do it, and I accept it. I try not to complain about not having too many friends.
I hate it when people complain to me. I just wanna slap ‘em and say “SHUT UP”. Yeah, I don’t mind it TOO much if they have the DECENCY to start off with a little CONVERSATION. But when the first thing they say to me is how sorry they feel for themselves, I’m left thinking’ “What, no ‘Hi’? No ‘How was your day’? Dinner and a movie first, pal. FOREPLAY. At least PRETEND to care about my life.” Jesus. When I rant, or complain, with my best friend (And by GOD we have a lot to complain about), we TAKE TURNS. I’ll bitch, then she’ll complain, then I’ll rant, then she’ll angst. There is a proper PROCEDURE to these things, people! Ya can’t just whine and expect everyone to care. Fuck that.
I’m SO paranoid. I think everyone’s out to get me. Seriously. If I’m walking, and I see someone working on their goddamn GARDEN, I’ll cross the street for fear they’ll attack me with some garden-variety tool. Every time a car slows near me, I freak out. Sometimes I can’t sleep. I lie in bed all night, my eyes wide awake, because I’ll scared something really really bad’ll happen. Like a fire. Or someone’s gonna bust in and kill me for NO apparent reason. Or a crazy tornado. I’m terrified of windows. I think all of a sudden something’s gonna go “BAM!” and smack their face against the glass. You know how it is. I used to be scared of more monster-esque things. Like ghosts and other icky icky stuff. Very Jeepers Creepers or The Ring oriented. Now I’m SOPHISTICATED. I’ve moved on to being frightened of axe murderers, or those psychos who always seem to trouble babysitters. Even if I know it’s physically impossible to call a house from INSIDE the house, it doesn’t seem to help. Crazy ass clown things…I hate those goddamn clowns.
When it comes to opinions, there’s really no middle ground. Though most of the time I don’t give a damn, every once in a while someone will hit a nerve, and I’ll become TERRIBLEY sensitive about the matter. Like it’s so bad I might STOP doing whatever it is I’m doing because that one person insulted me. I feel like I’m a failure, you know? Fo’ cereal. WHICH IS WHY I now strive MORE SO THAN EVER to deaden myself to the feelings of others. Rah.
Crazy deep stuff pisses me off sometimes. Like seriously. It’s kinda annoying sometimes, and makes you sound SO emotional and SO tragic and ohh lookit that it’s so sad and deep and isn’t it beautiful…no. I’m not gonna bother you with that “I laugh to hide my pain” shit. I don’t fuckin’ make jokes to make up for some “terrible inner pain that’s eating at my soul.” Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal.
PET PEEVE. I don’t like being ignored. If I’m talkin’ to you, you better fuckin’ PAY ATTENTION. Don’t just IGNORE me and talk to someone else. I’m SURE you can handle talking to multiple people at once. And if you’re really talking to THAT many other people, SWITCH OFF every once in a while! Don’t choose ME to be ignored EVERY blinkin’ time! It’s so goddamn irritated! I’m paranoid, and distrusting. When you stop talking to me I instantly think “What, you don’t wanna talk to me anymore? You think I’m boring? You hate me!? Fine! I see how it is!” I feel like they’re only talking to me because I’d bug them if they don’t. Out of pity or some NONSENSE like that. Like if I gave them a choice, they would never talk to me. Or they only talk to me when there’s no one else to talk to. Me and my best friend? We acknowledge we use each other. When I’m bored, I use her for entertainment. When she’s bored, she uses me. But we trade off. And usually we’re genuinely interested in each other’s company. But don’t USE me every single time. Not if I have nothing to gain, at least. I can’t feel the way I did before. Don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored.
That brings up another point. I think EVERYTHING people do is motivated by self-interest. Like when I try and cheer people up? I don’t give a DAMN about their feelings. I’M trying to cheer them up so THEY’LL stop bugging me about it, or ENTERTAIN me in some way. When people die, their friends always get sad. But are they really sad the person doesn’t EXIST anymore, or are they sad that the person can’t spend time with THEM, and make THEM feel good? I wonder.
And that’s everything important. To touch on a few things, I like reading, music, TV, video games, running, and art. I dislike just about everything else. Greatest love? Art, and my best friend. Greatest hate? People. If I could have one thing? A remote. A remote for the world. Everyone would be on “mute”. I could also put subtitles on the non-English speaking people. Then I could understand them. It freaks me out when two guys speak in rapid-fire Spanish, look at you, then burst into laughter. Seriously.
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Yay! I used Linkin Park in there! Can you spot where~?
Kuro
Jaja
Uneasy
Not Impressed
Rant
Apprehensive
